Answered prayer

I have not been on my blog site for months, until just now. After re-reading my last blog posting of July 16th, I sit here in awe, and in tears of joy, with the revelation that only 10 days after that post, the Lord answered the cry of my heart,"Lord, change me..."!!! I write this now, not to give details, but to give Glory to my Father for not once ever letting go of me through all the changes, through all the fears, and through all the tears! How Faithful You are, my Lord, and how I love and adore You!!! You are my Strength, my Rock! My Joy, my Peace, my Comfort! You are the Heartbeat of my life, and I am Yours!!! Forever.

Lord, change me!

What a beautiful place to be!!! In His Presence, as I cry out to Him, "Father, change me!" With my heart surrendered I come to Him and humble myself. With a repentance and desire; with a willingness and knowing, that I want and need to change, and that He wants and needs to change me! How precious; how merciful, sweet, and gentle He is, when I stand before Him in my sin and cry out to Him for help! How it blesses Him to see a heart that truly wants to change; a heart that finally sees that HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN "DO IT".
After being defeated, and despairing in trying to make changes within myself, I realize that the assurance that I have in myself is a great deception, and that the only assurance that I have for victory in this life is in, and through, Jesus Christ! I know this. We all profess to know this, right? As born again, spirit filled Christians, we proclaim it from the roof tops and witness this message to others at any given opportunity. And we should! But... are we living it? Where is Jesus in my life? What areas am I allowing Him to come into, and what areas am I keeping Him out of? How often do I ask," Lord, change me in this area," and then invite Him in to do the work that needs to be done? Or how often does the Holy Spirit bring conviction upon me, only for me to tell Him," Oh, no, I don't need any help in that area of my life. I have it all under control".
I have done that sooooo many times in my walk with the Lord, that sometimes I have even questioned my salvation! How could I possibly be saved and be living for Jesus if I am ignoring the very One who has given His life for mine; the One who I love so very much, and the One whom I have devoted my entire life too?? Doesn't make much sense, does it? Well, it does to Jesus. He knows that we have this flesh to deal with, and He knows that we also all have a free will, to make choices and decisions, on our own, and apart from Him!
Since my husband Paul and I got married almost 3 years ago, I can say in great truthfulness and humility that I cannot find one area in my life that DOESN'T need the help of Jesus... to make some great changes IN ME!! Marriage tends to bring out the worst in us at times, yet if we will allow God to make those needed changes in us, we will see the best of Him!!!
I have experienced the changing power of God in my marriage! He has shown me, and I have asked and allowed Him, to make those adjustments, those changes in my heart, that I could never have made on my own! Changes that I didn't even know were necessary! ( His ways are Perfect, and He knows exactly how, what, when, and where to touch your life...especially when you don't! ) And oh, to His Glory, I see that the adjustments; the changes that He makes in me, are all for the purpose of bringing me closer to Him; of knowing Him more intimately and surrendering to Him in His awesome Perfect Love that He has for me, and for my marriage! So I go now before His throne of Grace crying out, "Abba, Father, I know this will be painful, but CHANGE ME!! I want more of YOU, and less of me! I want to see You in all of Your Glory; in my life, in my marriage, in my children, and in my grandchildren! Do Your Perfect work in me, Father! Convict me, and bring me to my knees in full surrender to you!" This is my prayer for us all.

Kiss of Life

Not to many months ago I took a class to learn CPR. This stands for "cardiopulmonary resuscitation," which is defined as "...an emergency procedure consisting of external cardiac massage and artificial respiration for a person who has collapsed and has no pulse and has stopped breathing; attempts to restore circulation of the blood and prevent death or brain damage due to lack of oxygen."
God gave man this amazing medical knowledge! How incredible to know that we can have that knowledge, just by taking a class and being taught the procedure involved; to physically stimulate another human beings heart, to restore the blood flow throughout thier entire bodies, and to prevent bodily damage and death! That persons life is literally in your hands as you use your hands to massage thier heart, and as you place your mouth over that of anothers to resusitate, you are giving them your breath.
I am right now thinking JESUS. Isn't He the CPR that God gave us? Didn't He know that we were in need of a major emergency procedure that would bring us back to Him? Bring us back to Life? He knew we were spiritually collapsed; He knew that we no longer had a pulse for Him; that it was non-existant, and that we had stopped breathing. He knew that we needed the Blood to flow out, and then into, our lives. And He knew also that without it, we would be, and remain, dead!
With every breath God gives me, I stand in awe of just how much He loves me! How He loved me first, and how He loved me enough to give me Jesus; to give me CPR, so that I might live! He gave His life, and then brought me back to life! Now I have a heart for Him, and my every breath is because of Him. I don't have to walk around brain dead any longer, and I don't rely on external hands to massage my heart. Jesus holds me in His Hands now, and is continually, ever so gently, massaging my heart, and breathing His precious Life into mine.
The CPR definition above says that it is an "attempt to restore circulation of the blood and prevent death..." but Jesus's definition states;
"IT IS FINISHED!"
There are alot of "walking dead" among us. People who are experiencing cardiac arrest, and need the Hands of Jesus to touch them, and to perform His CPR on them. Yet, do they know and have they heard? Are we telling people about the Greatest Teacher Alive, and that they, too, can become a student of His, to learn of Him and sit with Him, for eternity? Do they know that they can take His class, and live and NOT die!?! I myself have determined to be bolder, and to start giving 'mouth to mouth resuscitation' to those walking dead every chance I get! I am going to give them the "Kiss of Life" ! I'm going to massage thier hearts with the Word of God, and watch HIM BREATHE on them!

Hanging with Jesus

Will I ever cease to be stunned and deeply angered and grieved at those christians who pounce on and stomp on and then chew up and spit out other people?!? Sometimes it seems as though I spend more time ministering to those who have been mistreated by other christians, than those who have had to endure the pains and hardships of the world and the so-called ungodly! What is WRONG with these christians!?! What bibles are they reading, and where is thier relationship with my JESUS?
Today was my last day at the preschool that I have worked at for 2 and 1/2 years. I turned in my resignation 2 weeks ago. Three days ago, I sat with a fellow employee, and sister in the Lord, and listened to her share with me how afraid she was that I was leaving, and how she now would be left to fight off for herself the attacks of the other employees. She shared with me how, on this particular day, they had many unkind words directed at her and how they were shunning her, as she tries to do her job with the children. Here is my sweet precious friend, crying and pouring her heart out, broken, torn, and afraid, and deeply wounded, again, by this pack of women; and the "leader" of this pack is a pastor's wife!
I am crying right now as I see again the look in my friends eyes...the bewilderment and confusion, the pain of being unjustly attacked by so called ' friends ' ; of being abused... of being rejected!
I wonder how and I wonder why... and then I think of my Jesus. HE knows how, and HE knows why. HE was there, and we were there with Him!
Thursday night as I lay in bed, talking to the Lord about my friend, I suddenly saw myself on that cross with Jesus! So real was it to me that I could feel the warmth of His Blood as it began to cover my body! I felt all of the pain, the grief, the anguish, the terror, the abuse, the rejection... all that I have suffered, and all that my friend was suffering, right there, flowing over me with Jesus's Blood, and I remember telling Him that "I can't bear this; this is too much!!" It was gruesome and horrible and unspeakable, and I don't have the words to describe the intensity of what I saw, or what I felt, but when I told Him I couldn't bear it any longer, HIS Love came over me so intensely and I felt Him drawing me closer to Him, and saw myself clinging closer to Him, on that cross, with His Blood still pouring out, but now it no longer felt hard to bear, but instead was so comforting, so healing, so REAL! !
I know that He showed me this, openly and vividly, because I needed to SEE HIM THERE! Just like I now see my friend, just like I see myself, just like I see you, and them, and everyone! HE was there, and we were with Him! HE is here, and STILL with us! If we don't continually see Him on that cross , we won't be able to bear anything of true value, that will be advancing the Kingdom of our Father! Of our Jesus! We need to, we MUST, bear one another up in our individual battles and struggles! Jesus had compassion on that cross! He had mercy and forgiveness and love and encouragment!! He bore us up!! Each and every one of us, individually!
**This blog entry has been edited from the original post of yesterdays(26th) entry. I hesitate to share, with many, the intimate times that I have alone with Jesus, but this I am sharing with you, because I believe most of you know my heart, and this is the purpose of my blog.
I would like to encourage all of you, at some point today, to find a quiet place and get alone with God. Close your eyes and see Jesus hanging on the cross! Meditate on that. And then next, put yourself right there with Him! If you can do that, I believe Jesus will show you things, and take you to a place, a relationship with Him, that you have never been or had before! I know that He did this for me thursday night!
Please lift my friend Debbie up in prayer, and all those that you know of today who need encouragment and strength, and the love of Jesus to overflow into thier lives! Let's bear one another up! Let's keep on hanging with, and hanging onto, our Jesus!!!

Cowgirl boots...

I am sooooo thankful for the Word of God, and that we can look to Him to show us how to walk in love towards other people! For the past several days I have wanted to wear my cowgirl boots to work and kick a certain someone right in the rear end, because frankly, some people seem deserving of that! Now just how "spiritual" and "godly" does that sound, you may ask? Well, I tell you truthfully that it was SUPER NATURAL in that I did NOT!! (We always seem to look for these huge, super natural acts of God to take place, but fail to recognize the seemingly small ones, which occur each and every day, in each and every one of our lives!) I don't know about you'all, but I have the "Supernatural" going on in my life 24/7, and I am thankful for Him! :)

The Prayer of an Old Man

In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion. Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me. Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress. Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man. For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth. By thee have I been holden up from the womb: thou art he that took me out of my mother's bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee. I am as a wonder unto many; but thou art my strong refuge. Let my mouth be filled with thy praise and with thy honor all the day. Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. For mine enemies speak against me; and they that lay wait for my soul take counsel together, Saying, God hath forsaken him: persecute and take him; for there is none to deliver him. O God, be not far from me: O my God, make haste for my help. Let them be confounded and consumed that are advesaries to my soul; let them be covered with reproach and dishonour that seek my hurt.

But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more. My mouth shall shew forth thy righteousness and thy salvation all the day; for I know not the numbers thereof. I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD: I will make mention of thy righteousness, even of thine only. O God, thou hast taught me from my youth: hitherto have I declared thy wonderous works. Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to everyone that is to came. Thy righteousness, O God, is very high, who hast done great things: who is like unto thee! Thou, which has shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth. Thou shalt increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side. I will also praise thee with the psaltery, even thy truth, O my God: unto thee will I sing with the harp, O thou Holy One of Israel. My lips shall greatly rejoice when I sing unto thee; and my soul, which thou hast redeemed. My tongue also shall talk of thy righteousness all the day long: for they are confounded, for they are brought unto shame, that seek my hurt.

*Psalm 71

For His glory

I have been under extreme pressure these past few days and feel as though I am being squeezed at every turn. 'Fiery darts' have been bombarding me from all directions, and by the end of each day I am actually physically exhausted from this battle. Yet I am persevering, and I maintain His Peace. When our minds come under attack and our emotions are taking us on a roller coaster ride, we have to remain steadfast and confident in Him. He IS our strength! Romans 5:3-5 says that, "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develope endurance. And endurance developes strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with love".
I am growing stronger, and trusting God more deeply, with greater confidence than ever before!
And in doing so, I give Him all the glory for the victory that I have in Him!
We serve an awesome and glorious God, and I love Him so very much!!

it's the little things...

...I am sooo excited right now!! In all of my 52 years, I have struggled with making my cookies come out of the oven " soft and chewy " like it always claims on the recipes. Well... today I have had a breakthrough!! My peanut butter&chocolate chip cookies came out "soft & chewy", just like they have always said, and this time I didn't even pray over them! :) ( I did that once with a prime rib wedding rehearsal dinner I hired out to do, and God in His mercy and grace saw me thru THAT one!:) So anyway, plain and simply, I am praising God! It's the little things that I encounter daily that make my heart sing, and rejoice, and continually see just how awesome God is and how much He really cares!! ( I will tell you that I did burn one pan of these cookies, but it was ALL JESSICA'S FAULT for keeping me tied up on the phone for soooo long!) Ha-ha, Jess! :) :) Just teasing you, and again, it was great talking with you, AND Lily! My love to all, and may all YOUR cookies turn out "soft and chewy"!

HIS Word, our voice...

God is doing soooo much in my (our) life right now that I truly am just holding on tight and watching Him, almost minute by minute, DO IT! I feel like I am standing on the outside, looking in, and watching Him put all of the pieces of this puzzle together, one piece at a time, all seeming to fit together PERFECTLY! And QUICKLY! I had NO idea that what is happening, would happen, except that He prepared me enough in advance that I was, and am not, shaken or moved by these chain of events!! God definitly knows what He is doing! I don't doubt that for one breath!! This, although, is not what, or why, I am writting today. I am writting to say a big THANK-YOU to a new found friend of mine for an e-mail that she sent to me! I read it early this morning before I went to work, and what an encouragement from God that was! She had the perfect words that ministered to me in only the Perfect way that Gods Word can, and HE used her for just that purpose! So, Suzanne, I thank God, and I thank you, for allowing Him to give you His Word, through YOUR VOICE, to bless and encourage me!!

"Affirmed", not "Anonymous" !

Recently on one of my blog entries, there was a comment posted and then signed as "Anonymous". Please read this(David) because you can never be "anonymous" in the eyes of God! O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I am far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is to wonderful for me, to great for me to understand! I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night-- but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you, the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-- how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! Psalm 139:1-18 (NLT)

"Tolerationist" ?

"Tolerate", as defined in Webster's Dictionary; 1. to allow; permit; not interfere with. 2. to recognize and respect (others beliefs and practices, etc.) without necessarily agreeing or sympathizing. 3. to put up with; bear. Also defined in Webster, "Tolerance", as; 1. a tolerating or being tolerant, especially of others' views, beliefs, practices, etc; freedom from bigotry or prejudice..." And then we have "Toleration", defined as; tolerance; especially , freedom of religious worship; freedom to hold religious views that differ from the established ones. Thus we arrive at the term "Tolerationist", defined as; a person who advocates toleration, especially in religious matters. The action and momentum of these words are speeding along full force in this world, and especially in this country! The " I'm ok, you're ok" mentality is rapidly spreading into the minds, and hearts, of many Americans, and it's really not ok! I wonder if people stop to think about who governs the laws of "tolerance". It certainly has its boundries, depending on whom you are speaking too. In other words, there ARE no boundries to tolerance! The world(people) makes it up as it goes along, with each generation becoming more and more saturated with beliefs and behavior that used to be unacceptable. Untolerated. Tolerance has become the worlds defining "belief system", and as such, (referencing the above definitions) it leans on nothing, believes in anything, and tolerates everything. Thus, the life of a "tolerationist" is consumed by making sure that every relationship they have is based on both parties accepting acknowledgment of one anothers "belief system", being based on nothing, believing in anything, and tolerating everything. Experiencially speaking, as a bible believing christian, these people can be the first to reject you. They throw daggers of criticism at your life because you are so firmly rooted and grounded in your beliefs to the degree that you are convinced, committed, and unmovable! You are on solid ground, and, oh how the spirit of tolerence hates that! It aggravates and frustrates those who are decieved into thinking they can live thier lives to the fullest thinking, "I'm ok and you're ok, and we will accept one another on the grounds that there IS NO ground, and we will go thru life seperately, together. We will believe anything we want on any given day, as long as we "feel ok" about it, but even if we don't, we'll tolerate everything that anyone wants us to, as long as they, to, tolerate us". This is a very serious matter and lives are at risk here with this pattern of thinking. Eternal lives! I almost lost my life to this "worldly belief system", and although I have been saved and pulled out of it, I led a very miserable life because of it! I hope to share more of my heart on this in another blog entry soon. There is much to ponder, and much that God has to say on this, in His Word. Good night.

Hope

I cannot seem to get close enough to God today! He is right here, in me and with me, but I can't get enough!! It's like a never ending, ongoing hug ...He is hugging me ever so tightly, and I hug back. Then He hugs me tighter, and I hug back tighter. And THEN He hugs me EVEN TIGHTER, and I hug MORE tightly, and it doesn't let up and neither one of us lets go!!! My heart is very overwhelmed today! DEEPLY grieved by seeing the condition of the heart in those that I love so very, very, VERY much, and right now all I can seem to do is hang onto my Fathers hugs! As I write this, I am convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that His hugs are just another word for His Hope!! May all of you recieve, and give, lots of hugs today!

Fresh and new...

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new". llCor.5:17 The New Living Translation says,"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life has gone; a new life has begun". The Message Translation says, "Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons". The Amplified Bible says,"Therefore if any person is ingrafted in Christ the Messiah he is a new creation, a new creature altogether; the old previous moral and spiritual condition has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come". SELAH!!!

HE Is Able...

Examining our own hearts can be a very painful, yet wonderfully freeing experience! If we ask in sincerity, with a heart that is readily willing to recieve, the Lord will shine His Light and expose those things within us that we NEVER knew existed!!! HE is faithful to do this!! HE wants to do this!! We continue to "become more like Jesus" when we ask HIM to plow up the soiled parts of our hearts, and then recieve, and replace it, with the richness and fullness of Him! It's called "growing up", and it's crucial in our walk with the Lord, if we are serious about seeking His Kingdom! As with all things, it is a choice. We can choose to remain "babies", and recieve only "milk" and never learn to walk, or we can choose to grow up and be fed "meat" and run our course! I have made the choice to "grow up", and am constantly experiencing "growing pains"! :) But oh how my Father God loves me, that He would constantly, and unfailingly, and mercifully, and compassionatly, hold my hand as I learn to walk!!! And oh my, how many times have I failed and fallen, only to recieve His tenderness, His grace and His mercy, and to hear Him comfort and encourage and love on me!!! in a way that only He can! Reassurring me He is right here with me! Cheering me on, saying,"Come on, you can do it! I Am here! Take that next step, and come out on the water with me! I will catch you...I will carry you...I will walk with you..."! I am so much in love with Him, right here, right now, that my heart feels like it could burst with the overwhelming joy of knowing just how much He loves me, and how much He yearns to "plow up" those unknown places in my heart, so that I can continue to grow up into Him, and belong, more and more, to Him!!

Knock knock, HE'S there...

Is there any such thing as "small", when placed in the Hands of our Lord? I believe not. Does He hear even the smallest of prayers? I know He does! Yesterday at work I was told that one of our 4 year old students would not be coming back, as her mom had decided to move to Colorado, and they would be leaving that very night. I hadn't seen little Melody yet that morning, but I told myself that I would make a point of talking to her and telling her good-bye before the day ended.

Fridays are very busy for me, as I plan not only for that particular day, but also for the upcoming Monday, as well.This friday was no exception, and if nothing else, I was busier than usual. I never gave Melody another thought. My work day normally ends at 2:30, and this being friday, I was tired and very much looking forward to the week end. I remember looking at the clock and thinking, "Only an hour and a half and I can head on home". I was ready! Then my phone rang and it was one of the teachers asking if I could please find something for one of the kids to eat for lunch, as she had just arrived at school and said she hadn't had anything to eat yet. No problem...I made a plate of food and took it down to the classroom. The rest of the kids were all napping at this time, and the classroom was dark and (somewhat :) quiet. I tippy-toed in and handed the plate of food to the teacher, and headed back thru the room, my eyes squinting, trying to adjust to the darkness. Thankfully I didn't trip over any of the little bodies that were scattered on the floor, and no little hands reached out to grab my ankles or my legs! I made it to the exit door, and with my hand on the door knob, ready to leave, I looked down onto the floor to my right, and there, snuggled up against the wall with her blanket pulled up to her nose, was little Melody! I immediately dropped to my knees beside her and praised and thanked God that, even though I had become sooo busy in my daily work, HE was not to busy in HIS, to remember this small little precious bundle of a 4 year old girl!! I layed my hands on her, and prayed with Melody right then and there; a blessing over her life, protection over her life, and the continuing drawing and ministering of the Holy Spirit into her life, that she would in the years ahead, come to know Jesus intimately, and love and serve Him in a powerful way!! I kissed her on the forehead, told her she would be missed very much, and then left the room, still in awe of my Father, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and how that, at any given moment, He will knock on my door and say," I AM HERE... Look there...look at that child, and PRAY!! Speak MY Name into thier lives. Plant My Word as seed into thier little hearts. GIVE THEM HOPE IN ME" !!! (IT IS NO SMALL THING!!!) He truly is all-ways right there with us, knocking on our door, so to speak, and I am forever thankful to Him!!!

The Hand of my Father...

Wow, what a blessed and awesome Memorial week-end we had!!! I am still absorbing and pondering it all! I never cease to look back on all the yesterdays, so that I can further praise and glorify my heavenly Father for ALL that He has done in my life, and in the lives of my children! What a GREAT SCULPTURE He is!!! So patient, so steadfast, soooooo much into Perfection that we can only stand in awe as we look to Him and continue to allow Him to perfect Himself in us! His Hands are NEVER still! He is ALL-WAYS at work in each one of us! We are His handy work, and He can DO no less than perfection because that is WHO He is!! I am so very thankful to be able to watch Him work in the lives of my children. He has blessed me with that opportunity, and I love Him so much for that!!! My husband Paul, myself, and all of our kids and grandchildren, are, with each and every breath, one step closer to HIM!!!

As the morning dawns, we awaken from our slumber to begin the journey into a new day. We are one step closer...